I’ve said it time and time again, parenting is WAY harder than I thought it would ever be. No matter how many parenting books you read, nothing can prepare you quite like the real deal. As moms, we are constantly learning more about ourselves than we ever thought was possible.
One thing I’ve always prided myself on was my ability to remain calm in most situations. Lately though, I’ve found myself losing my cool on my kids more often. Yes, I am pregnant and I am chasing around two strong-willed toddlers but is that an excuse to get so angry? I don’t want to be the “mean mommy”!
Pre-kids if something bothered me, I was able to brush it off. Two kids later, a cup of spilled milk, not doing as your told, trashing your bedroom makes me fly off my rocker. And when I lose it, I scream and yell and then hate the person I’ve become. I begin to feel like the “mean mommy”…a failure.
Leading by example is one of my top parenting mottos. What example is screaming and yelling setting? I personally, was raised in a household of yellers and vowed to never raise my children in that type of home. And well here we are.
My 1.5-year-old son is the sweetest, most lovable mommy’s boy. He loves a good cuddle as much as he loves digging in the dirt. With that said, he has a HORRIBLE temper that drives him to get upset very easily.
To give you an example, the other day we returned home from the park. He was clearly ready for a nap but he wanted to stay outside. After finally getting him inside, he was pissed! He screamed and cried and started going ape shit looking for anything he could knock over. We just bought a new vacuum which was still in the box in the entryway. He runs over to it and with all his might pushes it over then turns to look at me like “take that!” When he didn’t get a reaction from me, he turned to a box of diapers, picked them up and threw them. At this point, I scooped him up, hugged him and retreated to his room. Of course, he fell fast asleep in a matter of minutes.
Now, I could blame this behavior on him entering his “terrible 2 phase” but I can’t help but feel this is somewhat learned behavior. Que my feelings of being a failure. These days, instead of having the ability to brush something off I get angry and scream and yell. I hate having this reaction! Here I am a certified yoga instructor, with hundreds of hours of learnings and teachings about how to find inner peace and calmness and I’m over here screaming at a toddler.
As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, motherhood teaches us A LOT about ourselves that we would otherwise never know. So instead of gloating over being a “mean mommy” every once in a while, I’ve decided to come up with four solutions to mend a blow-up.
1. Cool down.
When you are in the moment it’s hard to see the big picture, so take a few minutes and step away. Take a couple of breaths and remind yourself that it’s not that big of a deal. Then return to the situation and handle it as necessary.
2. Say sorry.
You are human and your kids need to understand that. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. Get down on your kids level and tell them you are sorry for how you reacted. This is not to diminish what the did but rather to show them your reaction was not warranted.
3. Remind them you love them.
Show them you love them both verbally and physically. They need to understand that no matter what happens you will always love them.
4. Move on.
They screwed up. You screwed up. Now get over it. Everyone walks away with learning something from the situation.
How do you handle it when you lose your cool with your kids? Do you have any tips or tricks that seem to work best? We are always looking for ways to defuse or mend the situation, please share your thoughts!